between

Wednesdays are typically set aside for quotes that inspire me or that are pertinent in what is happening in my life at that moment. Given my complete lack of writing these days, the only thing that continued to go through my head this morning was that I needed a go-to quote about balance in life. The truth is, I just didn’t find anything that spoke to me, nothing that really fit where my head space is today, other than feeling the need for just one extra day each week. A day where I could actually not think about work for a change. A day where I could write, catch up on sleep, go to yoga, catch up on laundry or clean out my closet. Just one extra day to help me find some balance that I just can’t seem to grab hold of lately.

I feel guilty for even whining about this. Coming from a woman who doesn’t even have kids and all the work that goes along with that madness, it somehow doesn’t feel right to even fuss about losing balance in my world. Yet, here I am. I am consumed by my work most days, because I have a job that doesn’t exactly let me shut things off when I come home. The intensity of my work is only growing, as my already heavy workload is only increasing with no real relief in sight and that adds a very heavy weight to my already heavy shoulders. You see, I am a bit of a perfectionist (which doesn’t help), and as my workload increases, the pressure of missing important details is ever looming and compounding the stress. Even with a pending vacation, I know that it will still be impossible to shut down and truly recharge, I’ll have no choice but to send time working because that is the nature of my business and the expectation, which is just quite sad.

…in all things there must be balance.

Don’t get me wrong, I like what I do and love who I work for, and I am certainly all about strong work ethic and dedication, but in all things there must be balance. Unfortunately, finding balance in such an environment is challenging, if not impossible. These days, I’m just trying to get through and make time for the things I love, but I haven’t been very successful with my attempts. Sure, my weekends are usually quite fun – time spent with my husband and friends is always great, but I also find that I might be hitting the sauce too much as a way to relax and let go of the stresses. Before you know it, Saturday is just a blur, and Sunday I wake up immediately feeling the anxiety of the work week looming ahead of me.

I’m taking a step back to really look at myself and try to figure out where I can make changes that will really make a difference. Changes that will give me the opportunities to write, take care of my home, enjoy my husband and my animals, and not feel all-consumed with work. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it’s clear to me that I need to exercise caution with the drinking, that doesn’t seem to be helping my situation any, but it isn’t going to be the only change that needs to take place. I suppose that is a good place to start, but there is still a good deal of soul-searching in the days ahead.

I will say that beyond my husband and home life, writing and this blog are extremely important to me. Writing builds me up and energizes me, I must not lose sight of that and let the days drift by without giving this attention. I need to find a way. With that, I’ll leave you with a small quote after all…

Writing is not a matter of time, but a matter or of space. If you don’t keep space in your head for writing, you won’t write even if you have the time.

– Katerina Stoykova Klemer

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